After having experienced Death of an old love I was pretty set on the idea that I must a) live in the moment and b) when the second time comes around (when you meet an old lover who you never really ended things) it never feels the same.
I remember being pretty smitten when I first met Andy two years ago (read: Los Andes). It’s simply a feeling that I recall having yet I can no longer feel it. It was probably something about his positivity that made it easier to be drawn to him, or simply because he had these most charming eyes.
Andy came back to town 4 months after we’d met. During that time I was in a semi-serious exclusive relationship with Adam. I only had eyes for him and not anyone else. So when I met up with Andy to catch up, I felt as though I was meeting an old friend for lunch. I assumed it was the same for Andy and that we were being realistic and a (non-sexual) friendship would be the right type of relationship we should have. I kept my distance and so did he. I felt great about having a friendship with him. I felt my tendency befriending everyone was something I was good at.
Boy was I wrong.
Fast forward to this year, two years later, through social media I found out Andy had recently become a father. As a friend I messaged to congratulated him in the most genuinely way possible. He thanked me however the next thing I knew I was being blocked. Perhaps he wanted more privacy for his family which I could totally understand. So I left it thinking it was fine and thought I’d never hear back from him.
I was wrong again.
One morning I woke up to a text from Andy saying he’d be in town again and would like to meet. On my end it was a friendship and although he might’ve betrayed the friendship by blocking me on social media, it wouldn’t hurt to meet. So we met for dinner. He was so deep in the friendzone that he could probably never come out from it, and I behaved true to what my inner self felt. It was awkward at times as he was avoiding some topics but I wasn’t going to push it. I understand there are certain difficulties in parenthood that couldn’t be explained to someone who isn’t a parent yet. Finally we said goodbye and parted ways.
Later that night he texted me to see if I got home. He then went on and briefly said how he wished we could have had another chance to be intimate again. I tried hard to understand how this came about. It could simply be a) he was horny, b) he was horny, or c) he was horny. I think it was c). But what I didn’t understand was how he didn’t see saying it to me was a bad idea. I’m not the kind who holds a grudge when people act stupid while horny, yet his eyes suddenly seemed so much less attractive.
**I know you could be reading. I’m sorry I answered with a non-answer.